Surviving The Holidays Sober
I hate to be dramatic, but the holidays can be a lot. They can be filled with unresolved family conflict, pressures to be everywhere at once, financial burden associated with traveling and buying the best presents, and people pleasing our way to burnout. But for those who are early in their sobriety or those who are trying to navigate a better relationship with alcohol, the holidays are also full of the endless holiday parties, outings, and events. It’s the most ‘spirit’ filled time of the year, in more ways than one.
Whether you have decided that sobriety is best for you, or you are simply just reconsidering your relationship with alcohol, the holidays can be a tricky time to stick to this goal for yourself. Here are seven tips to help you not just survive the holidays without drinking, but thrive this holiday season without drinking or drinking less.
Say “no” to events that you don’t need to or want to attend.
Many of us have found ourselves saying yes to all the family or holiday events. Hello, my fellow people pleasers, how ya doing? You know what made that easier in the past? Drinking too much. The trick though, is that it lands you in a bind. You are stuck with a hangover and a night spent doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place. Here’s the good news, you can say “no”. Whether you want to give an excuse or not is up to you, depending on how far into your people pleasing recovery is. You don’t have to attend that coworker’s friendsgiving, you don't need to go to that NYE party that costs $100 that you have no interest in. Yes, even if you don’t have other plans, you can still say “no”.
Have an exit strategy.
Okay so you still ended up at that family holiday party that always involves your aunt venting to you about the beef she has with your cousin… Here's the great news, you're not doomed. Set a time limit and have an exit strategy to leave early or when you want to. The thing about early sobriety is that it’s important to not put yourself in situations that are surrounded by people drinking in excess. We all know that feeling of being at a party when everyone starts to have a few too many; it’s not any fun when you are sober. Come up with an excuse to leave early before you get there and have a way to leave (e.g., drive yourself).
Have a non-alcoholic drink in your hand.
So everyone is toasting at the Thanksgiving table and you feel uncomfortable, that is normal! Alcohol consumption is so ingrained in our culture, there’s always that new holiday cocktail recipe or a ‘cheers’ during dinner. If there is one thing that makes that easier, it’s having your favorite non-alcoholic beverage in your hand. The mocktail game has seriously stepped up lately, has anyone else noticed? Mocktails not your thing? No problem, just have a cup of water or soda. Having something in your hand not only adds to your own comfort but it also cuts down on the amount of times people offer you a drink.
Be honest about your desire not to drink.
If you feel comfortable, nothing deters people from asking you to drink like telling them your reasoning. Whether you feel comfortable with that or not is completely a personal preference. Either way, having an excuse not to drink can be really important. If people don’t accept your reasoning by either convincing you that you don’t have a bad relationship with alcohol or drink-pushing, you can also use this as an opportunity to work on some boundary setting. You can choose to walk away from the conversation or if you feel comfortable, be honest about how it makes you feel when they don’t accept your reasoning.
Have your support system looped in.
If you are involved in a 12-step program, it is crucial to let your sponsor or peers know that you are nervous heading into the holiday season. Plan to meet up with them virtually or in person during this time to strengthen that support. If 12-step isn’t for you, no problem, have someone else in your corner who knows your goals. Set up a code text, such as a decided upon emoji or code if you need some support. Step outside or to the bathroom and give them a call, or better yet bring them along with you.
Take breaks.
Like I said, the holidays can be a lot. They can be draining. It’s important to schedule in some rest and reset time. Now ideally that would be creating a whole day or night, where you can recharge your batteries in whatever way that looks like for you. But, you can also do this in the midst of a holiday event. Give yourself a moment to step away to another room, take a walk outside, or go take some deep breaths in the bathroom when your family member agitates you. Throwing your sobriety out the window isn’t worth it, so check in with your needs and listen to them.
Recognize the desire to drink will pass.
If you are at an event or surrounded by pressure to drink and you are experiencing an urge to drink, recognizing it will pass is important. This feeling or urge will pass, just like other emotions. Here are some things that can be helpful while experiencing that urge; label it as an urge (it takes the power away), try to distract yourself (e.g. engage in a conversation, play a game on your phone), or talk to your support system.
