In the pursuit of mental wellness, we often overlook the innate wisdom of our bodies. Mindfulness practices like yoga, intentional movement, and controlled breath help us anchor ourselves in the present moment, cultivating a sense of presence and focus on the here and now. By tapping into these practices that engage both mind and body, we unlock a pathway to profound healing and well-being.
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People-pleasing is often an attempt to get needs met by saying yes. We say yes to things that make us uncomfortable or go against our values to maintain relationships and keep people close. We have learned this is the way to earn or gain the love we so desperately desire. Unfortunately, this position doesn’t work in the way we think it does.
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As we stand on the brink of a new year, the air is thick with the promise of fresh beginnings and untapped potential. Beyond the traditional resolutions of learning a new skill or reading more, let's turn our attention inward. How can we prioritize our mental well-being in 2024? To guide you through this reflective journey, here are some thought-provoking questions that can shape your mental health-focused resolutions for the coming year.
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In our complex inner world, various thoughts, emotions, and parts of our personality intermingle, sometimes leading to inner conflicts and emotional distress. Understanding and harmonizing these internal dynamics is at the core of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Theory. Developed by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, IFS offers a transformative framework for self-discovery, healing, and personal growth. In this blog post, we will delve into the key principles and definitions of Internal Family Systems Theory, exploring its potential to unlock the power within.
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Fear is a natural and essential emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives. It's a response that helps us survive in dangerous situations, but it can also be a hindrance if it's triggered inappropriately.
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There’s vacationing, and then there is traveling. I would differentiate the two by saying that vacationing prioritizes relaxation while traveling prioritizes exploration.
We know the basics of why either can benefit our mental health: being around beautiful scenery, an escape from work and the usual, and some time to relax and do nothing productive. All of those things are great for recharging as long as it’s with the right people (or without the wrong people). There are other long-term benefits of travel that we talk less about. As both a therapist and a travel lover, I know how much travel has helped my mental health.
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“Wow I wish I could eat like that and still look like you.”
“Did you see your cousin tonight? Looks like they gained a few since last Thanksgiving.”
“We will all need to go on a diet tomorrow after this meal.”
“You look great- did you lose weight? Tell me your secret!”
Any of these comments sound like they could come from your holiday dinner table? As much as you’d think people would know by now that commenting on someone else's appearance is not appropriate, holiday get-togethers with family and friends always prove that we still have a long way to go. At one point over the holiday season most people will find themselves caught up in a conversation where physical appearance, diets, and weight are at the center of the conversation. Even hearing someone make a disparaging comment about their own body can have a negative impact on how we view our own bodies and eating habits. It’s only human to worry what people are thinking about our bodies if they are thinking so critically about theirs.
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I hate to be dramatic, but the holidays can be a lot. They can be filled with unresolved family conflict, pressures to be everywhere at once, financial burden associated with traveling and buying the best presents, and people pleasing our way to burnout. But for those who are early in their sobriety or those who are trying to navigate a better relationship with alcohol, the holidays are also full of the endless holiday parties, outings, and events. It’s the most ‘spirit’ filled time of the year, in more ways than one.
Whether you have decided that sobriety is best for you, or you are simply just reconsidering your relationship with alcohol, the holidays can be a tricky time to stick to this goal for yourself. Here are seven tips to help you not just survive the holidays without drinking, but thrive this holiday season without drinking or drinking less.
In a potentially conflictual conversation in a relationship, there are so many ways that it can go off the rails, which is why so many couples have trouble with it. One part of a conversation that has a huge impact is the startup – how one person begins a conversation. A harsh startup, a phrase coined by John Gottman, is – as he puts it - the first sign of a couple that is unsatisfied, or even headed for divorce.
What does a harsh startup sound like? It's an aggressive or confrontational tone, starts with sarcasm, criticism, or contempt, and includes very shut down or volatile body language among a number of other ways we can start off on the wrong foot. Another way to tell if it's harsh is if there's exaggerated language – specifically using words like always, never, or constantly.
A soft startup is approaching the other person in a way that will get your concern across, but will (hopefully) not make the other person feel attacked or criticized. There are a lot of ways you can make your startup more soft, with tone being one of the most important.
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Despite being in a society where sex is everywhere, it's rare to have an open, vulnerable conversation about it – even between partners in a committed relationship. Certain feelings we have can easily turn into sexual poisons when we're unable to communicate about them, and this can become a very vicious cycle.
Usually when we think of sexual roadblocks or turn-offs, we might think of certain positions, bad breath, etc. These certainly are valid, but aren't sexual poisons like we'll get into here.
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Although everyone’s experiences and stories are unique, as a therapist, you start to notice some overarching patterns in conversations with clients. Oftentimes, conversation leads to a piece of truth that is hard to swallow. These truths don’t have a work around, an alternative option, or an easy answer (in fact, to offer one would often feel quite invalidating). Those are what I call the hard truths. When it comes to hard truths, I’ve found radical acceptance to be the most helpful option. Although it is certainly not easy in the short term to accept these truths, doing so can prevent on-going suffering. The most important thing to remember is that radical acceptance does not mean that you approve of or have appreciation for something. It simply means accepting something to be reality in order to save yourself the harmful impact that resisting or not accepting it could cause. Here are some of those hard-truths:
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First and foremost, it’s important to recognize the overturning of a nearly 50-year precedent protecting the right to abortion for what it is: a traumatic event. The loss of human rights and freedom of choice over one’s “own” body is traumatic. When one experiences such a loss, especially one that they themselves had no control over, it strips away the feeling of safety and security. It is only natural to feel anxious, worried, overwhelmed, rage, or all of the above in response to this event.
What we do in response to our many emotions will look different for each person. Some people may write to their state legislators, while others may march and protest in the streets. You may feel inclined to donate to organizations that protect human rights and women’s reproductive health. Others may take the time to educate themselves and start discussions within their workplace, friend groups, or family. Others may jump to begin planning their departure from the US to live in a different country for fear of their rights being further stripped away. Others may silently process the news on their own, feeling overwhelmed with what to do next. And while we each have our biases and may see the benefit and importance of one response over another, there are valid reasons for why we may respond, feel, and act in the way that we do in the face of devastating world events.
The lack of safety and fear of uncertainty leads to a stress response within our bodies. Our biological stress response is our brain’s means of keeping us alive. Our stress response is automatic; the alarm system in our brain, the amygdala, goes into hyperdrive putting our emotional brain, known as the limbic system, in control. This shuts down your prefrontal cortex, the decision-making part of your brain, and leads you to reflexively act in whatever way your brain thinks will help you survive the current situation…
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